What's the Worst That Could Happen?
Thoughts on setting out in search of a community to grow old with
Recently, I had a great chat with Rob Hardy. Rob helps creators build internet businesses. One thing he helped realize, is what this newsletter is about.
This newsletter is about a guy fucking around, and hopefully finding ways to live a slow, intentional, and meaningful life. Ideally, in a community that reflects these values.
The fucking around part is the search. I am leaving New York City to go to Neighborhood Zero in December. That’s the first step.
From there, who knows?
I want this newsletter to be for all of the people that I talk to, who say, “Yeah, I talk about this with my friends all the time: growing our own food, living on some land together. I just don’t know where to start.”
If you’ve thought or said these things or similar, I’m writing for you, and I’d love to hear from you! Leave a comment below, or dm me on Twitter.
Leaving NYC, Times Three
I am leaving New York City for the third, and hopefully final, time.
I’ve given nearly a decade of my life to this city. I’ll spare you the regrets and disappointment–the short answer to why I’m leaving is that I can’t see a life here any longer.
36 is ancient in NYC years. It’s my opinion that this city is not designed for anyone over thirty, and especially not for anyone over 50.
I don’t want to be here when I’m 50.
I have all the usual criticisms of this place. The things millions of people have been saying for hundreds of years.
New York is:
Too loud
Too expensive
Too competitive
Too fast-paced
I want to lead a slow life. I’m tired of running around and trying to keep up with things here. I’m tired of working every day to pay for a lifestyle that is unfulfilling.
I. Am. Tired. Y’all.
I want to live in a cozy, calm place, among nature, with people that I care about and trust.
In it’s final form, maybe it looks something like this…
It’s funny, because you could argue that Ridgewood/Bushwick on it’s best days are actually kind of like the above image.
But no, NYC is too much for me. And plus I’ve been sick here off-and-on for the last two years because of Covid and Covid-fatigue symptoms. The clencher is that I will never own anything here.
I have served my final Bushwick tour of duty.
It’s time for me to leave.
But what am I even doing?
I Am Living an Experiment
Each time I’ve moved to NYC, I had a reason.
1st time: Work in the film industry and join the Local 600
End result: Failed. Ran out of money and moved back to Dallas but had a blast.
2nd time: Attend 10-week program at School for Poetic Computation and make a career transition into arts + tech. Stayed because I fell in love with a girl.
End result: Failed. It didn’t work out with the girl. Eventually I segued into tech marketing and moved to a retreat center upstate. I lived there for a year, and then in Upstate/Western Mass for a year.
Actually no–
That’s a lie.
The third time I moved to NYC, I did it because I was extremely bored, and had no dating life in Easthampton, MA. The pandemic was partially to blame for the no-dating-life, I think.
Anyway, the third time I moved back was in November 2020. My friend Stef connected me with someone who needed me to plant-sit in Jackson Heights. It was exciting–a new part of NYC for me, and a new chance to get it right this time.
I decided to make to move back permanently to NYC because I was seeing a girl I liked. This one also did not work out–maybe I should stop doing that.
Each time I’ve moved to NYC, I’ve told myself some version of, “I’m ready. I’m going to do whatever it takes to build a life here.”
But I fooled myself–thrice. Over a decade, no less!
Each time, I came back a little bit smarter, and a little bit more experienced. It wasn’t enough though.
I actually have ancestors on both sides of my family, different generations even, that came to NYC, gave it an honest try, and said “Nope! No thank you. There has to be somewhere better than here.”
For some reason I thought I would be the exception. I accept the fact that when it comes to Alex vs. NYC, New York is undefeated.
In the spirit of good sportsmanship, I must concede.
OK, BUT WHAT’S THE EXPERIMENT
The experiment is finding a place that feels like home.
And I’m going to go on a journey to try and find that place.
Maybe it’s one of CabinDAO’s neighborhoods, or maybe I’ll apply to Kailash Ecovillage. Maybe I will join some friendly weirdo homesteader’s land project, or maybe I will start my own.
I loved living at the retreat center Upstate. I still need to write an account of the nine months I lived there.
I’d probably still be living there if I hadn’t been evicted by the non-profit administration that was irked that I was helping to organize the residents of the retreat center to push back against unfair policies levied upon them.
And anyway, that place shut down after a 40-year run.
There’s this idea of “living in community”, that I quite like.
I’ve lived it while I was at The Abode, and I want that to be my life.
I say finding a place, but it’s really finding a community.
Which is kind of a weird and scary thing to do as an introverted 36 year-old guy.
To be honest, I am terrified.
However, the alternatives are unacceptable to me:
Stay in NYC and accept the cost, expense, noise, and work on myself and finding my community here.
Move to another city and start all over with an apartment search, making friends, etc. only to inevitably move again at some point.
Aimlessly travel the world, most likely ending up back in NYC. Barring a miracle of falling in love and marrying someone, or falling in love with a community.
At this age, I’ve learned it’s best not to depend on miracles.
So What’s The Worst That Could Happen?
Let me tell you my plan first, then I’ll examine it and name all of the worst things that could happen.
Here’s my plan:
Leaving
Leave NYC in December. Pack up whatever I can fit in my Honda Civic and leave(byeee!)
Possibly stop by an anarchist community in Paoli, Indiana and check it out
Make it down to Austin and stay with my friends Will and Ashley for 2-3 days
Getting out is the easy part.
Settling In
Move to Neighborhood Zero in Dripping Springs, TX for a couple of months.
If I like it: stay longer, or go to another Cabin Neighborhood, perhaps Montaia, or another place if they open one soon. I’d love to get more involved with them, and help do some “Caretaking” as they call it, as well as build some stuff. So far, the vibes are good, but I’ve learned not to set my expectations too high in trying things like this.
If I don’t like it: apply for an apartment at Kailash, go live in the Atlanta woods with a bunch of anarchists, go check out Santiago, Chile and Uruguay(@rizomaschool of Doomer Optimism lives there with her family on a farm–don’t know her but maybe I can reach out, Uruguay seems cool).
Or maybe I can meet up with my artist friend Ben in Europe somewhere and join him for one of his institutional performances.
You Still Haven’t Answered the Question 😤
Alright so what’s the worst that could happen?
Hm.
Without getting too doomer-y, there’s a couple scenarios:
I stop being able to find remote work and I’m stuck in a place I don’t like, working a job I also probably do not like. I can always scrape funds together to move, but I’m just so tired of moving. Still, I don’t wanna get stuck in some dead-end, red state town, where I’m surrounded every day by Trump death-cultists. That would suck.
I keep driving from place-to-place and getting older. Solo, lonely, alone, getting gray, having less energy. I think in that scenario I would probably end up at a place like Kailash and just stay there until I saved up enough to buy a house or some land in the country.
I go live in the country and I become a hermit. Not ideal. I want to be surrounded by people I love and live and grow old with them. This is my dream.
A societal collapse scenario a la Parable of the Talents. In that case, I’d probably try to make it to Washington State, Vermont, Upstate NY, or Maine. And then? No idea.
I actually don’t have a very good plan for that last one–but who does.
I don’t have the funds to buy land or a house in the country. I also have zero wherewithal to work some stupid tech-job five days a week to secure a bank loan to buy something. Maybe if I had more energy/less post-COVID fatigue that’d be a more tenable option. Maybe in 2023 I’ll bite the bullet and do that, and then go back to freelancing once I have my mortgage.
And Maybe I’m Thinking About This All Wrong
What do you think, dear reader?
I seem to think about the problem of “finding a slower life” in a very material way.
I think about it in terms of place, and money.
I guess because money grants certainty and stability.
What money does not buy is community.
But I am so sick of the precarity of living in apartments and rooms and places where the rent keeps going up, or someone on an ego trip can evict you.
I would love to convince my friends to buy property with me. However, they don’t have any money either.
So I’m thinking my best bet is to talk to as many people as I can, and to go on a journey and visit places and see what’s out there.
I plan to share my journey and the things I learn here. That’s what this newsletter is about.
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